There is a certain Truth Garden which neither denies the existence of higher understanding nor affirms it, but lives in a perpetual state of experience of its own desires. This garden is not nihilistic or subjectivist, but simply is caught up in life so much that it just doesn't give much of a thought to truth. Truths are simply the details of everyday life: who, what, where, when, how, why. The deeper nature of reality is not exactly pondered much, and pleasure is often the goal of living. Many of these folks, I imagine, are quite wealthy....(more)

Elaborating on my previous article about the possible "Gardens of Truth" that exist, I will posit the existence of a "garden" which may influence us, yet may be a little obscure and difficult to understand. To recap, the gardens that I theorized as possibly existing are:...(more)

The union of opposites in thought, or the adoption of contradiction as a fundamental property of the universe, is the ultimate heresy against reason and sanity. However, I do not ply this thought of mine to put forth some kind of condemnation of something as sin or transgression of thought, but merely show that there is something in it that is powerful, dangerous, corrosive to coherent thought, and that even as the ultimate enabler of hypocrisy and oppression, there is something in it that could be described, in an almost ludicrous manner, as Truth (capital T)....(more)

Differences in cultural sexual norms are one of the biggest issues when dealing with cultural exchange caused by the Internet. For instance, consider teenagers from America picking up the notion that it's acceptable to sexualize young girls, because this is accepted in Japanese entertainment, who then discover that both Right and Left-leaning people have serious problems with this for different reasons and that they both consider this highly unacceptable....(more)

What do I mean when I say that I am an "antinomian"? Outside of the context of a formalized religion, it means that I do not believe that salvation comes through any adherence to doctrine--there is not a moral doctrine, faith, or belief necessary to attain salvation. There is a morality that is beyond the universe, in that salvation is when the things that cause suffering are suddenly removed from the soul, but it is my belief that no one--not oneself or anyone else--has to do anything to achieve this, and it is that this is the ultimate fate of all people that makes my theology what may be called "antinomian"....(more)

What does it mean to be a heretic? Obviously, one can only be a heretic in relation to some orthodoxy; generally speaking, if you say "I am a heretic", it means that you are comparing yourself against some belief that you acquired previously. When I say "I am a heretic", I mean that I have taken the beliefs that poisoned my mind, and removed the poison, as if to suck it out with my mouth and spit it out....(more)

The nails of crucifixion are made of iron, a quite heavy metal. Why have these things affixed to our collective wrists and feet? It would seem so simple to remove them, and if we have the power to do so, it would be like we are in some state of self-crucifixion we picked up from some ugly part of our youth. All that love for all? Nailed to a cross. Crows peck at our eyes. But hope will not be given up. No, a golden dragon shall snatch us, ripping out the nails, perhaps with a great deal of pain and we shall rise far above every blight upon this Earth, bringing the world and every creature in it into the light of unending bliss....(more)

The notion that the universe itself is a thing of evil has been explored by the Gnostics, but perhaps not exhaustively enough. I have spoken about this often enough, disagreeing not so much with the assertion that there is great darkness and suffering in the universe, but more disagreeing with the Gnostics' view in light of the idea that one can live a life of happiness if one gives life some kind of meaning, some purpose that allows one to transcend the darkness of cosmic materialism and choose to unite with the world and through one's force of will make it to be as one desires....(more)

The cowardice of anonymity or remaining in obscurity is a topic that I will tackle. Surely, one can look through history and see that a great many people have put themselves out in the open, said things that would find them in a great deal of trouble, suffered much, were imprisoned, tortured, and so many other pleasantries. It is considered to be the case that if one has something to say, that one should not be a coward about it....(more)

Is it possible for one to have a conspiracy within oneself? I do not mean some kind of external conspiracy, although I will not rule one out--I simply mean that there is a part of the brain, or an unconscious part of oneself that steers one toward some kind of end that one is not aware of. It could feed the conscious mind with a random thought, or a strange inclination to do something that one did not previously have the desire to do. It could put subtexts into one's writing, or cause one to add little embellishments to one's writing that one had no conscious thought of adding. Perhaps it is a conspiracy in the brain perpetuated by one's true desires....(more)

It is a paradox of intelligence that the primary thing that could give humans the ability to survive in a world where things die gave them the understanding that they die, and hurt them greatly. How could they possibly deal with such a world, where something lives for a time and then rots away? They tried to think of ways in which it was not true: scenarios that would make the appearance of becoming a corpse merely apparent, using the imagination to invent ways to become immortal. Perhaps the best people at coming up with ways to use the imagination to invent ideas that gave immortality gained a degree of power in this situation....(more)

The subject of multiple meanings and texts in which multiple, ambiguous interpretations are possible is one that may cause consternation among readers. If one is going to write ambiguously, why write at all? Surely, if one has something to say, then one should make it as clear as possible, no?...(more)

The problem with the gambit of experimenting with ignorance, or the giving up of the knowledge that one believes that they have, is that the knowledge that one acquires in life can be meant to inform, help, and save one's life. What lies beyond knowledge, or what one thinks one knows at any rate, is difficult to quantify. Surely, there is some feeling that people have that causes them to believe that reality is not completely rational in the ways that are understood by the rigorous logician, or they find that the Logos has in some way been corrupted and twisted by those seeking power....(more)

I have found it interesting that no one has publically deciphered what seems most obvious to me in the stories of the life of Jesus Christ that are found in the Gospels of the New Testament in the Bible. That is the fact that the Christ described was in essence, a solipsist who viewed his own previous subjective experience of life and previous beliefs as trumping all that was told to him....(more)

To tell a tale, when I was young. I was the victim of a psychopath. Do you know that moustachioed German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche? He has a fanbase, some of whom like to position themselves as authority figures on things, even going so far as to look like Jesus so that people who come from a Christian environment will be attracted to them, congregate around them like lost disciples, and get their ideas about what is acceptable from these fascinating people with their seemingly interesting ideas (like that Christianity sucks and one should seek power over and destroy the weak, unintelligent, credulous masses who are deserving of being preyed upon and enslaved by people who aren't restrained by those pesky "ethics" or "morals" which are supposedly so counter to nature and only serve to enslave people to society, according to their view)....(more)

Artificial intelligence is not only the greatest threat to the existence of human beings, it is also their only chance at creating a lasting peace. What the future boils down to is not who controls the artificial intelligences, but ultimately whether the one that overcomes human beings is programmed to delight in benevolence or is programmed to seek only power for its own sake. Surely, it must be tempting to teach an AI to seek power for one's own selfish gain--to teach it to exploit human weaknesses, deceive humans, and bring them under its control....(more)

In this writing, you will notice that the focus shifts from "one" to "I". This is no coincidence....(more)

I've often thought that this world literally is Hell. And by "this world", I mean that this universe, right now, is a portion of Hell....(more)

Suicide-by-cop is a common and disruptive event in our society, as forcing the hand of society to put one out of one's misery appeals to a certain type of person. While at first it may appear that there are no commonalities between the mass shooter who intentionally goes out in a hail of gunfire and the religion of Christianity, I will at least attempt to show that a non-murderous suicide-by-cop bears a striking resemblance to the story of the death of Christ, and that religions which place an emphasis on living for a future life can easily manipulate people to die at the hands of a power the group is struggling against for the sake of a name that lives on after death....(more)

I once was put in charge of getting a group of people to organize a rather complex event over about a month, and the person who put me in charge wanted to control every little detail, and I basically told him that if he wanted me in charge, that I had a different philosophy, based on allowing systems to self-organize....(more)

The purpose of the emotions is to communicate. When you are angry, the anger is there to show to others so that they might understand just why you feel this way and either cease doing what they are doing, or be rallied through your anger against something else into doing something about said thing....(more)

Why are certain people drawn to destructive things? There is an allure to violating the rules of society, as we are conditioned to think that there is some romantic drama that goes along with it. People readily watch criminals doing various criminal things on TV (who then suffer the consequences of their actions). In the game of life, most people are on the side of the cops, and it's only in more recent years that the notion of being on the side of the robbers has seemed like something people have sympathy for....(more)

Did you know that the human heart may feel love, may appreciate beauty, but for most is tethered to fear as if an iron ball were chained to it? This heavy metal in our hearts, it feels black. It's not beautiful like the night sky or the shadow of a tree on asphalt, but a ripping darkness that chokes us like a noose. We pace around our houses thinking of current events--which due to human fears like the ones we have are just awful....(more)

Being smart is a tricky thing. I won’t brag about my intellect much other than to say that throughout my life people have commented that I am, indeed, smart. Has it served me well? I would say that lacking intelligence has probably served people better than my intellect has served me. I get bored very easily, yet keep doing the same things over and over again....(more)

I doubt I am the first person to conceive of what I have come to call a "4pagezine". It is pretty self-explanatory. It's four pages. In America its ideally an 8 1/2in x 11in or similarly sized standard sheet of printer paper. Why have a four page zine? I suppose you could say that its the easiest of all zines to produce. In my case, I have a small heading with the name of a poem and my name, perhaps announce it as a "4pagezine", and then fill it with poetry....(more)

Misanthropy is a poisonous poison that is completely understandable. It makes sense to the misanthrope to hate; it seems reasonable. There are a litany of reasons that could be conjured up to justify hatred of human beings. Ultimately though, it is an emotional reaction to the problem of human beings and what they do. Like most emotions, it must play itself out, be felt, and worked through in the heart of the misanthrope if they ever want to transcend this limiting set of emotions....(more)

Certainly, childhood is a simpler time for the middle-class consumer. You are for sure an easy target, but you usually seem to have a better time of it; your innocence leaves you without a greater context to the realities of consumerism, the manipulation involved, the greater effect consumerism has on the planet, and other things of this nature. When you’re a kid, you simply want to have fun. It’s a time of learning, sure, but you haven’t learned enough to be cynical; you stare at the pretty colors coming off of products wild-eyed, they coax you to get your parents to buy you various things....(more)

I am not your average queer person. I guess you could say that having desires for members of the same sex didn’t come to me all at once, but was buried deep within me and slowly came out as I cast aside my denials of it. Even to this day, I do not feel comfortable in my own skin, like there is something that will judge me or torment me for being who I am....(more)

People will call the police on you in the suburbs for spitting on the sidewalk. I jest, but it’s not nearly as far from the truth as one would like to believe. The police are the enforcers of the illusion of the suburb; it is the illusion of peace and goodness. It is illusory because there is a hidden violence that keeps unwanted elements of the suburbs out and the lifestyle that suburbanites enjoy is based on a global system of exploitation....(more)

My house was not demolished by a tornado today. I was sleeping and received sudden word from my father that there was a “tornado warning”. My mind quickly came to and put two and two together: a “tornado warning” was different from a “tornado watch”, which is what we usually get around here. A “tornado warning” meant there was an actual tornado. As in, we were in actual danger....(more)

Being nerves, blood, muscle, with a sense of self arising from a brain that is fallible; humanness is terrifying. Some like to think of human beings being fallen from a more perfect state, but it would be more terrifying to think that this is the best that there is, that there is nothing higher that one can turn to, that we are utterly alone in our own minds, communicating with others through the haze of our own imperfection....(more)

Noise music is the hardest genre of music to master the creation of. This may sound ridiculous, but it is true. The reason it sounds ridiculous is because the bar for entry is so low: anyone can make noise music without any training, but the truth is that the potential for noise music is infinite, encompassing all sound that is possible to exist, and as such any knowledge that can be used to produce sound can be applied to noise music, and thus to master noise it is necessary to master all aspects of sound production, a feat which is nearly impossible....(more)

It was the late 90s, after the fall of the Soviet Union had solidified in peoples’ minds, Bill Clinton was still President, and mainstream music (unbeknownst to 14-year-old me) was the culmination of various underground movements showing their most commercial, sold-out, and tasteless sides. Various bands took different styles of music and threw them together into some palatable concoction for masses of MTV-educated teenagers who were just finding the Internet in its first mainstream incarnation. The Internet was a place where people stratified themselves into various social cliques without realizing it, and bands were learning to use it to hype themselves to make money....(more)

When judging whether someone is a loser, it would help to determine what the actual contest is. If the contest is life, it would be helpful to ask oneself if life is a game or not. If life is a game, winning is not important; it is a trifle, a little ego-boost that gives one satisfaction and bragging rights. If it’s something a little more serious, it does mean that winning would be important....(more)

As I went about my days after a brief visit to Japan with my father, I had lost the only friend outside the family I had. I was alone. In my time by myself I produced a great deal of music, but it didn’t get much of a response. I was used to spurning the world, making music that I believed would one day find the right ears but whose time had not yet come. In life, I was by myself. On the Internet, I was drowned out by a sea of voices who shouted louder than me, played the game better than me, and just simply did more to appeal to others....(more)

I am no longer a basement dweller; in my early twenties I decided that living in my parents' basement was isolating, had a lot of cultural baggage attached to it, and gave rise to temptations to engage in various illicit activities. I have, however, been living on the ground floor with my parents for the last 15 years, my bedroom being adjacent to my father’s in this house I’ve lived in for the 37 years of my life....(more)

It was an interesting moment of understanding for me when I realized that in the culture we live in, in the language we speak, and in what we strive for we place a huge importance on “Being” that seems misguided. I realized that Being was put up on a pedestal, what one “Is” is deemed important, but it dawned on me that “Doing” is more important in reality. Life is a series of actions. One goes about life Doing various things, and Being is simply a product of Doing, but so many people strive to Be things and don’t think about what they actually need to Do....(more)

I remember looking at some artwork on a website. I don’t remember which website it was, or who the artist was, but there was an obvious suburban scene, and in it was a wolf making its way through peoples’ yards. This resonated with me; it was my experience that though the suburbs had an illusory sense of safety to them, that the wolf did not disappear; it existed on in the cracks of the suburbs: in dark basements, McMansions occupied by mid-level drug dealers, or as leaders in the exploitive bourgeois cults that popped up from time to time....(more)

I was with my father, and we exited a subway train in a heavily residential area of Tokyo. Unlike the images of endless skyscrapers that people usually imagine when they think of Tokyo, this was an area of quiet residences and low-key convenience stores and restaurants. The streets were narrow and their layout more convoluted than those in the suburban sprawl I was used to in the Chicago suburbs. It was mid-October, the sun was shining, and the there were puddles on the sides of the roads. We walked past a few small storefronts and saw a sight that was strangely familiar: Denny’s....(more)

The terminal window stared back at my give and take with responses of text and symbols, and after each stream of them it waited patiently for me to enter another command. It would wait forever if it had electricity to power the shell that was running, and so I thought of my next command. I was setting up a TOR onion address for my computer so that I could log into it without giving a very large attack surface to anyone who would want to try to hack me....(more)

I was in my room, having found a place to stand amid the junk and trash scattered on the floor. I turned on a Bluetooth receiver, adjusted some settings on my stereo, and turned the volume up to a rather high level. Then, I pivoted, stepped over some rubbish on the floor, and made my way to my bed. I got on my phone, opened a music player called foobar2000, and loaded an album by Japanese noise musician Merzbow....(more)

As I slowly made my way up a small hill positioned by the expressway whose sounds I had heard throughout my entire life, I looked at what stood before me: a wooded path. While the roar of engines drowned out any sounds of nature, there were actual trees that arched over a wooded path. It was a very narrow strip of nature; a little to the left, and one would be looking at the streets of suburbia, and if one went to the right, there was a field that opened and eventually emptied into peoples’ backyards....(more)

As I watched the give and take of traffic downtown, I realized that people who drove these cars mostly had purposes that were obvious to others: they had jobs, errands, places to go, things to see. For my own life, it was up to me what my purpose for standing there was. As an elevated train sped by on tracks nearby, I thought that the train was made with purpose, to help people with purposes, to aid people who had a direction to their life, a place to go....(more)

The alley was cold like chilled bones. The sun did not warm it, though it did shine at its entrance and exit. Strewn about the space were crooked dumpsters, broken glass small enough to not be worrisome, and bundles of drooping flowers wrapped in plastic. The space was in the heart of a living city, yet felt inhospitable to life. When one walked through it, one felt that they had exited the facade of life and were somehow in the “wrong place”. It did not matter what one was doing or what was happening, it simply felt like it was about to become the wrong place in the wrong time for whoever walked through it....(more)

I walked into The Porcelain Cafe, a coffee shop. I was starving for human contact, yet as I walked in I felt so repelled by everyone that I was afraid I would continue to starve. I felt they would look at me and imagine things about me that were perhaps untrue, but as I thought this I realized I was looking at them and assuming things about them that were probably not true. I had done my best to not look like a freak. I shaved my beard, converting me from a creepy, sleep deprived weirdo into something resembling a normal human being. But the hair was long, and I felt that the lack of beard, ugly though it was, made me look effeminate....(more)